Sunaina is a Superwomen, she takes care of her family, is a doting mother of a daughter, is a talent in her organization and cooks and maintains the home. She never rests and is on the job 24X7. Her husband would come back home and appreciate the food that she cooked 3 times a day for him and their daughter. The women around praised her for managing work and her personal life. She was envied by her friends and family for running the family as a machine.
Eventually she decided to put her daughter in the day care, that's when a series of drama started of. 'Our heart aches to see our grand daughter in the day care' said her parents and her in-laws.' We will come there and take care of our grandchild. Her husband said 'Why cant you extend the maternity leave and stay at home, why are you joining back so soon'.
Sunaina replied 'I am not getting an extension in office and besides that our daughter will be with me in office and I can feed her and keep a watch on her always'.
"Why should we not call our parents here, he asked?" Sunaina said "That's because when they are here, they have a set of rules for us to follow which makes our life more difficult, when they are here all they can see is what we do wrong and criticize us for that, instead of being a support, their effort is to show how pathetic we are as parents and that we should learn something from them.
When they are here you are obliged to not support me with anything in the house and I stay in the kitchen all day cooking and not doing anything besides that.
Besides every parent makes mistakes I am sure I will make some mistakes as well. I am fine with that and I want to raise my daughter through my own mistakes and by not being worried about our parents mistakes Our daughter is unique and I wish to nurture her uniqueness and not want her to be you or me, she will always be herself.'
Sunaina eventually put her daughter in the day care, On days Sunaina would stand at a distance from the day care and see how her daughter is enjoying there. When her daughter was 1.5 years old she fell down and was bruised, her in laws and parents commented that she should not put her daughter in the day care any more, to which Sunaina said, sure if thats the case whats the answer to the scar in your sons face and my face. All this happened in a secure environment with you guys around.
What hurts me the most here is instead of being supportive and saying its ok this happens in kids I see you guys are more inclined towards blaming someone for the child getting hurt. I believe I have raised my child well and I have provided a secure environment for her, she falls she gets up an becomes more stronger each day.
This was a beautiful bond Sunaina shared with her daughter, Her daughter started with the day care when she was 4.5 months old. Sunaina's heart would ache to leave her daughter in the day care, but her daughter would smile happily and say bye to her mummy when she dropped her in the day care. This gave Sunaina a lot of strength to continue with her career. Her daughter is 3 years old now, and Sunaina continues to be a proud mother of a child who understands her no matter how the others around her Judge her. Her daughter is still the most connected to her mother more than anybody else in the family.
This continued for 3 long years. She gave away opportunities to travel, so she could be with her daughter. She loved spending time with her Husband and her daughter and would come back home on time to ensure their dinner is managed. Her husband was very proud of her.
Over the years she kept denying promotions but her talent was eventually recognized and she slowly grew up the ladder. Her responsibilities at work started increasing and yet she would somehow manage to come back home to her family in the evening and prepare dinner, clean the house, tend to her daughters needs and then sleep. She noticed her daughter would long to be with her and would eagerly wait to spend time with her. One day she was so stressed from balancing her work and personal life that she decided to hire a cook.
"Why do we need a cook? Her husband asked, i love what you prepare."
"I know you like what i cook but i would like to spend sometime with my daughter."
"Why don't you come back home early, that will solve everything?"
"Or why don't you help me with the household chores and we will experiment for the next few days."
"Yes sure!"
Though this started off well her husband would eventually have some reason or the other to not do something he has agreed to do. Eventually she decided she has had enough and decides to hire a cook. Her husband would focus on taking care of the little one and Sunaina would come back home eat and spend time with her little one and snooze off.
The same friends who thought she was doing a great job started judging her. She was looked down by her Family as to why does she focus so much at work than her family. She was being told by her friends what a Great man her husband was, how he focuses on his daughter so well and that how he is doing so much work despite going to office.
In one her conversations Sunaina mentioned: " I do not focus too much on work, I focus on work as well. I am as much committed to my work as my husband. Similarly my husband does not do a lot of work at home, he does as much as I do."
Gone are the days when women were not allowed to speak, gone are the days when the mother in-law, killed their daughter in-law if they did not like them. We women are certainly strong enough to handle those, this is the era of secondary level Biases, where words more than weapons are used to kill your confidence. The challenge is faced both by Men and Women. Men because even though the education system teaches them to not be biased they are forced to oblige to their parents who tie them to the hardships that they have gone through to raise their sons and for the women as they have to continuously deal with the constant comparison to their Mother in Law and their Mother (Who by the way had their own struggles when they were young). In all marriages people do not start at the same levels of maturity, its what you make out of the relationship that matters.
When will all this change? When each one of us in our own ways change the way we deal these biases at home. We cannot change the older generation, but we do have the power in our hands to define an unbiased life for our future generation. What we practice is what we exhibit, it is essential for women to differentiate between what is our right and what is a privilege. Our daughters and sons need to be bought up in an environment where her father and Mother spend same amount of time in the Kitchen, enjoy successful careers, are equal decision makers at home.
